Yes, I analyze everything regarding you and our ‘relationship’. I dissect every move you make, in the search of hidden meanings. I question and check literally every word that comes out of your mouth before I believe you.
I am able to come up with a hundred different case scenarios of what happened before I get to the bottom of things.
The truth is that I don’t believe any word you say. That I constantly doubt your intentions and that I assume you are always lying, even when you are probably not.
Yes, the truth is that I am an overthinker. And that is not something I am proud of.
In fact, sometimes, I even think that my analyzing will make me go completely crazy.
The truth is that for a long time, I’ve used overthinking as a form of a defense mechanism.
I never knew where I stood with you nor what to expect next and I thought that I would be able to predict your next move and save myself from a lot of heartache, if I just got to the bottom of your mysterious personality.
But after all these years, I finally understand that you were never complex or mysterious—you were just an asshole. And I was crazy for letting you mistreat me and for allowing you to change me.
For a long time, I blamed myself for the way I was. I felt guilty for being an overthinker, assuming that my overanalyzing was only harming our relationship.
But then, I finally realized that my overthinking has actually never been my fault. This may be the last thing you want to hear but the truth is that I am an overthinker because you made me become one.
You know very well that I wasn’t like this when we first met. You know I was a spontaneous, open-hearted girl who believed in people.
But then you started playing with my mind and with my heart.
Then, you started confusing me to the point where I didn’t have the slightest clue of what was going on between us.
Then you started sending me mixed signals which I didn’t have any way of interpreting.