Letting go of the person you love is definitely the most difficult, heartbreaking thing to do. You’re aware that you’re about to do something that will break your heart into a million pieces, but you’re also aware that it’s the right thing to do.
Now, the question is how to break up with someone you love? How do you let go of someone you still deeply care for? Is it even possible to end things with a person you still have strong feelings for?
Yes, it’s possible but, to be honest, it’s going to be a hell of a job.
It’ll be a constant battle between your heart and your mind. On the one hand, your heart will be telling you to keep fighting for your love, and, on the other hand, your mind will be insistent that you should let go of it all.
Your feelings will be all over the place. Your emotional and mental health will be a real mess. You’ll try not to hurt your partner’s feelings while you’ll be going through heartbreak.
So, if you’re about to sail on this kind of journey, you need to arm yourself with patience and strength because you’ll definitely need it.
How To Break Up With Someone You Love: 10 Important Dos And Don’ts
There are some things you need to do if you want to end things the right way and have a clean break with your significant other. On the other hand, there are some things you should never, but really never, do if you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.
I decided to make these two lists of dos and don’ts for breaking up with someone you love, and I hope it’ll be helpful to you.
The Dos Of Breaking Up With Someone You Love
So, if you want to make your breakup as painless as possible for both you and your romantic partner, these are the things you need to do:
Have a serious conversation with your significant other
Honest and open communication is, without any doubt, the most significant part of every healthy relationship. The first time you start thinking about a break up, you should share those thoughts with your significant other.
If you do it in time, there might be a chance of saving your relationship.
However, if you’ve already decided to end things, and you’re one hundred percent sure that it’s the only right thing to do, you should sit down and have a serious conversation with your SO.
Talk about all the things that led you to make this decision in the first place
Be completely honest with them. Explain all the reasons why you decided to end your relationship.
You can admit that you still love them, but don’t give them false hope if you’ve already made up your mind and firmly decided to end things with them. They probably won’t understand and accept it, but try to explain that it’s really for the best.
Do it face-to-face
This is an absolute must. If you do it over text or a phone call, it’ll only hurt them more, and you’ll show that you’re nothing but a huge coward.
Just because you’re breaking up with your partner doesn’t give you the right to treat them any less than how you treated them while you were in a romantic relationship.
This person was a part of your life for some time, and you created such beautiful memories together. The least you can do is give them a proper, face-to-face goodbye.
Take your partner’s feelings into consideration
If you still love your soon-to-be ex-partner, I’m sure that the last thing you want to do is break their heart. That’s why you need to break up with them in the least painful way possible.
You need to pay attention to the time and place when you tell them about your decision. However, you shouldn’t beat around the bush too much because it definitely won’t make the breakup any easier for them.
Be upfront about your decision. Be honest and admit that you still love them but that it’s not the same kind of love you felt for them at the beginning.
Choose a clean break
Don’t offer them ‘let’s stay friends’ or ‘you’ll always have a true friend in me’ or the most cliché one of all, the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bullshit. You can only stay as those “friends” who never call to check up, and you’ll only end up hating each other for real.
Once you decide to part ways, you really need to separate your paths, and each one of you needs to go down the path they choose for themselves.
Of course, it would be nice to promise each other that you’ll always respect and cherish the time you spent together, but that’s all. If you really want to leave it all and move on with your life as soon as possible, you should really try to make a clean break.
Major Don’ts When It Comes To Leaving Your Loved One
Keep scrolling down if you want to find out what the biggest no-nos are when it comes to breaking up with a person you still have strong feelings for.
Ghosting is an absolute no-no
Ghosting is the worst thing you can do to someone who was a great part of your life for some time. This would only show them that you never really loved them, and it would turn all the love they feel for you into hate.
I know it’s not easy to end things with someone who still means so much to you, but as much as you need to take care of your feelings, you should pay attention to your partner’s feelings too.
They will be hurt no matter how you break up with them – it’s inevitable. But, ghosting them would only show that you don’t respect them enough to give them proper closure.
Also, it would mean that you aren’t brave enough to stand behind your actions and that you don’t have the dignity to end your relationship face-to-face
Don’t even think about taking some time apart first
Your partner will probably suggest taking a relationship break and thinking about your relationship before making a definite decision.
However, if you accept this, it’ll only give them false hope. They will start thinking that you aren’t completely sure about your decision and that there is still hope to save your relationship or to start over again.
I think this wouldn’t be fair to do to a person you love, right? So, if your SO suggests a relationship break, you should gently reject their offer and explain that your decision is final and that you don’t plan to change it, no matter what.
Don’t break up in a public place
The first reason why you shouldn’t do it in a public place is that it might make the situation even worse for your partner.
They might think that you were afraid to do it in private and that you’re using those people around you to make the breakup as fast as possible.
I know it would be nice to avoid creating a scene in front of other people, but I’m sure your partner would like for you to do it while you two are alone. You don’t know what their reaction will be, but you must be ready to handle it the best way possible.
Breaking up in private and doing it face-to-face will also show them that you still respect and care for them and their feelings.
Don’t give them false hope
I already mentioned this above, but I really have to emphasize it again. Once you make the decision to part ways, you need to stick to that decision and cope with everything that comes after it.
If you’re interested in giving your relationship another chance, then you should suggest a relationship break. You shouldn’t tell them that you’re ending things for good with them.
Don’t even think about breakup sex
As crazy as it sounds, most couples practice breakup sex nowadays. I don’t know if it’s because they want to have fun one last time or because they think it’ll make them change their mind, but, in my opinion, it’s absolutely freaking crazy.
So, breakup sex is off the table. It can only confuse you and make you think that you’ve made a hasty decision and that you should try to work things out instead of breaking up.
I don’t care if your partner is a model or they’re begging you on their knees to do it one last time; you have to hold your horses and control your desires.
How Do You Know When To Break Up With Someone You Love? 10 Huge Red Flags
I know it’s difficult to make the decision to break up with someone you still love, but sometimes, unfortunately, it needs to be done to preserve your emotional and mental health.
There are a few red flags that it’s time to end your relationship, and I have listed the major ones below. So, keep reading…
You’ve tried couple’s therapy, but…
It didn’t work. No matter how much you try and try… No matter how much effort you’re putting into fixing your relationship, things just don’t get better.
You’ve tried many different couple’s therapies, and you’ve followed all the relationship expert advice you get, but nothing has helped to make your relationship better.
Then, you know what you have to do… You need to prevent your relationship from draining you. Save yourself and leave it in your past once and for all and move the hell on from it.
You keep breaking up and getting back together
If you two are stuck in the awful cycle of breaking up and getting back together, it’s obvious that you still share strong feelings for each other that won’t allow you to separate forever.
However, you should also know that love is never enough to make a relationship work.
Sooner or later, you’ll understand that it doesn’t lead anywhere. You’ll realize that you will never be able to maintain a healthy relationship, and it’ll make you break up once again. But this time, it’ll be for real and for good.
You’re the one making all the effort
A relationship is and must always be a two-way street. The respect, your feelings, and all the effort you’re putting into making your relationship work must be reciprocated.
If that’s not the case, if you feel that you’re the only one who is trying to maintain the relationship, it’s a clear sign that the other side doesn’t love you the same way you love them.
One day, you’ll get tired of it all, and you’ll make a definite and final decision. You’ll walk away, and you’ll never even want to look back.
There is no trust or respect in your relationship anymore
I suppose we all know the fundamental basis of every healthy relationship. Well, trust and respect are that basis.
If you feel that you’re being disrespected or that you can’t trust your partner anymore, it’s a very clear red flag that you need to walk away from that relationship.
Your loved ones aren’t supportive of your relationship
“If nobody in the community supports your relationship, that’s a red flag,“ says New York-based relationship expert Lindsay Chrisler.
Of course, this doesn’t have to be a definite sign that you should end things with your romantic partner, but I’m sure there is a good reason why those close to you don’t support your relationship.
It’s probably because they think your partner doesn’t deserve you. The fact is that your loved ones only want what is best for you, and you should definitely take their opinion about your relationship into consideration.
There’s a rift between you
People change. Feelings fade away… You start growing apart from your partner without even being aware of it.
One day, you just wake up and realize that nothing is the way it used to be. You know that your partner isn’t making you happy like they did before.
You realize that your relationship isn’t as close as it was before. And no matter how much you try, it just seems that it’s impossible to reconnect and grow back together with your SO.
Drifting apart is one of the clearest signs that you should rethink your relationship and decide whether you should continue dating a person you don’t feel all that close to anymore.
You’re experiencing any form of abuse
No matter how much you love someone, you should never put up with disrespectful or abusive behavior. Remember, a person who honestly loves you would never hurt you continually and on purpose.
You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone because you’re the only one who is truly important. Put a huge full stop on your abusive relationship and close that chapter of your life forever.
Fighting has become a normal part of your relationship
Just to be clear, all couples fight. Little disagreements every now and then are a completely normal part of a healthy relationship.
However, once those ‘occasional fights’ become ‘contact fights,’ it’s really time to walk away from your relationship. Otherwise, it’ll only result in making your relationship toxic and ruining your mental health.
On the other hand, passion has left it a long time ago
When the spark leaves your relationship, be sure that love will follow. Of course, the spark can never be as strong as it was when you start dating, but it also should never completely fade away.
My best friend recently ended her relationship. And you know what she said to me when I asked her what happened? I really have to quote her because that sentence stuck very heavily in my mind.
She said, “Trust and passion left the relationship many moons ago. Now it’s time I left it too.”
You’re thinking about the breakup all the time
If you’re constantly thinking about ending your relationship, it’s probably because you have more than one reason to do so.
You aren’t happy in that relationship, and you see breaking up as your only salvation. And you know what? You have every right to do so. You have every right to let go of anything that doesn’t make you happy.
Life is too short to waste your precious time on the wrong people and things that can’t make you happy.
How To Get Over A Breakup With Someone You Love: 10 Important Steps
So, if you’re interested in this part, I assume you have already finished with the breakup conversation.
When a romantic relationship comes to an end, one side will always end up hurt, and, unfortunately, it’s inevitable.
If you still have intense romantic feelings for your ex partner, it’s perfectly normal that you’ll suffer after the breakup. However, that doesn’t mean that you’ll never be able to recover from it and move on with your life.
Grieving and healing after a breakup is a long and exhausting process. But, unfortunately, you have to go through that process if you want to move on. I’ve prepared a few pieces of relationship expert advice for you below that will help you get through it all a bit faster.
Give yourself some time to rest
Now you’ve got time to do all the things you wanted to do before, but the only thing you should do right now is take a very deep breath and relax.
Give yourself time. Take a rest. Let both your mind and heart take a rest from everything and everyone else. It’s something that you owe yourself. Have some alone time and don’t think about your relationship, your ex-partner, or your breakup at all.
Just try to relax and imagine that you’re the only person left in the world. Because the truth is, no one else actually matters besides you.
Cut off contact after the breakup
I suppose you’ve heard of the famous no-contact rule after the breakup. Now, you need to put that rule into practice immediately after you’ve finished with the breakup conversation.
So, this means no texts or phone calls to your ex-romantic partner. You really need to cut off communication after you’ve decided to end things.
Most relationship experts agree that the no-contact rule is the ONLY effective way of getting over a breakup and moving on with your life.
Best friends are always the best therapy
If you’re feeling heartbroken, I know a cure that will definitely help you feel better. That incredible cure is called ‘best friends.’
They are the people who love you the most and who will do just about anything to make you feel better. They’ll help you collect and glue each and every part of your broken heart back together, and they’ll stand right beside you at every step of your grieving and healing process.
Stay off social media for a while
The best thing for you would be to take a small social media detox. It’s just so you don’t check if your ex is online or what they are sharing all the time.
Find something else that will keep you busy. Read books, your horoscope, or try to learn a new useful skill, a new language, for example. If you keep spying on your ex on social media, it’ll be an enormous dealbreaker for your healing and moving on process.
Come to terms with your situation
Your situation isn’t actually that good and clear, right? So, what? There are so many people in a similar or even the same situation as you are.
Suck it up. You’ve made the decision, and now all you can do is stand behind it. Accept it all as a huge lesson that your life is trying to teach you.
Accept and embrace your feelings
Don’t ever fight your feelings. Of course, I get you. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you need to let go of someone you’re still deeply in love with.
But, the truth is that some people will forever hold a place in our hearts, and you can do absolutely nothing to change that. You can just accept it and hope that time will be on your side and make those feelings fade.
The last thing you need to do right now is suppress your feelings. It can affect your mental health in the worst possible way.
Confide in a family member
After you decide to part ways with your significant other, the only thing you shouldn’t do is shut yourself off from your loved ones.
I know you’re riding on a real emotional rollercoaster, but, trust me, you’ll feel much better if you share your sorrows with someone else.
Open up to someone you trust the most, whether it’s your best friend or a family member. Who knows, they may even give you some good advice and help you get over it all faster.
Don’t jump into a new relationship
When you’re in the no-contact period after the breakup, it’s a huge no-no for you to start dating other people.
You’re currently in a period of your life where you need to put all your focus and attention on yourself.
You’re in a period of your life when it’s high time to fall in love with yourself and start dating that awesome person you see in your mirror every morning.
You may think that dating other people will help you forget about your ex-partner faster, but the fact is that it’s such tomfoolery. You can’t fall in love with someone else as long as your ex is still firmly settled in your heart.
Simply said, now is the time for you to shift all your focus onto yourself. You need to pamper yourself to the max because you simply deserve it.
Do things you always wanted but didn’t have the opportunity to do before. Take a wellness day. Fill up the online shopping cart and buy yourself everything you want. A little bit of retail therapy never killed anybody, right?
Believe in the power of time
Trust me, time heals. It has no magical power to make your feelings for someone disappear, but it’ll definitely help you recover from your emotional wounds.
The first time you give yourself time to grieve and heal in peace, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. Don’t put the “I’m okay, I’ve moved on” mask on because by doing that, you’ll only be suppressing your feelings.
You have to be strong enough to accept all of your emotions, the positive but also the negative ones. Otherwise, be sure that sooner or later, all those suppressed feelings will come to the surface and cause even greater damage.