The fear of losing someone you care for is perfectly normal.
Even though people don’t talk about it frequently, the fear of loss of a family member, a soulmate or a best friend is a common fear and we all face it at some point.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should allow these fears to take over your life. It doesn’t mean that you should allow them to control you and prevent you from living your life to the fullest.
If this is something you can relate to, you might have a problem, which, luckily, can be solved. Here is a step by step guide to help you cope with your fear of losing someone you love and to make you feel better in no time.
Accept loss as a part of life
Let’s face it; we would all be happiest to have all of our loved ones near us forever. It would be amazing if we didn’t have to face things such as departures, break-ups, and, finally, death.
However, the truth is that all of this is a part of life, whether you like to admit it or not. As much as you try, you can’t always avoid losing someone you love.
Basically, the harsh reality is that this is something you’ll have to learn how to deal with, sooner or later. So instead of running away from reality, you better accept it in time.
You see, repressing your emotions and pretending that your fears are nonexistent won’t chase them away. This approach won’t magically erase what you’re feeling.
Instead, when you try to bury things, they only become bigger and even scarier.
Trust me; you’re not alone on this one. In fact, every person alive has at least once dealt with the fear of losing a loved one, followed by the fear of heartbreak.
We’ve all been in a situation where we simply had to accept loss as a part of life, even though we would rather avoid experiencing it.
You won’t only lose people you love and care about; you’ll also lose opportunities, things, feelings and so on.
However, all of this is a part of this difficult process called growing up. Sadly, you can’t always have what you want and you can’t always keep around those you would like to have by your side.
Some people will abandon you because they want to do so, some will go away thanks to life circumstances and life will take some of them for good.
In most cases, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it instead of sucking it up and dealing with it the best way you can.
Face your fears
The next step in overcoming a fear of losing someone you love lies in facing your fears.
After all, you can’t chase your demons until you prove them that you’re strong enough to look them directly in the eye and show them your bravery.
When I say this, I’m not only talking about accepting your fear, since this should already be a given up until this point.
In fact, I’m talking about getting to the bottom of them. You see, every fear has a root and a reason, which in most cases is not seen at a first glance.
Instead, you have to dig deeper under the layers to figure out what you’re really afraid of.
You have to do a lot of self-introspection and make a detailed analysis of the relationship you have with the other person before understanding your fears.
This might be a hard pill to swallow but when you’re afraid of losing a person you love, in most situations, you’re being selfish.
You see, you’re actually scared of having to live without them by your side and you’re terrified of the fact that you’ll have to get along without them next to you.
You’re scared of losing the support or the comfort they’ve been giving you. Scared of having to go on without them pushing your forward or saving you every time you make a mess.
Sometimes you’re afraid of losing the sense of control the other person is giving you or the ego boost they’ve been providing you. Afraid of losing the sensation you have when you’re with them.
No, this doesn’t have to necessarily mean that you don’t love the person we’re talking about. However, you love whatever they’re giving you even more and that is the core of selfishness.
So, the first question you’ll have to ask yourself is what you’re actually afraid of losing. What is the thing about this person you feel so addicted to?
Accept that you can’t always be in control
They say that destiny deals you the cards but you’re the one who has to play them the best way possible. If you look at life like this, you’re in no way abolished of all responsibility for whatever happens in it.
After all, you’re a human being. It means that God gave you a reason and free will, which includes judgment-making skills.
Therefore, it’s never good to go through your own life like it’s happening to someone else. It’s never okay to only go with the flow and see where destiny takes you, as if you have no part in it.
However, going too far in the opposite direction is never good either. Being a control freak will actually bring you much more trouble than you might think.
It was already said that loss is a part of life and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it and this is especially true when it comes to the death of your loved ones.
Yes, you can do your best to provide them with good medical care, you can take care of them for the little time they have left but eventually, if someone is meant to die, you can’t change their future.
I know this is difficult to accept but there are many things in your earthly existence that are beyond your reach, things you can’t control as much you try to.
This includes different life circumstances and other people’s behavior. Sometimes, you can do everything by the book but despite that, unexpected events will happen and all you can do is accept them.
However, you know what you can control? The way you react to these events.
You can either waste your precious time and energy on fighting with the windmills and spending the rest of your life like Sisyphus or you can redirect all of your strength to coping with bad things in your life, including losses.
Realize that you don’t actually need anyone
This one might sound harsh or even egocentric but the only truth is that, at the end of the day, you don’t actually need anyone to survive this adventure called life.
Yes, as a human, you’re a social being, which means that you are happier when you’re surrounded by the people you love and the ones who love you back.
However, that doesn’t mean that you need any of these people to survive. It doesn’t mean it’s okay to be emotionally codependent on your soulmate, best friends or family members.
As much as it seems that you would die if you happened to lose someone you care for, trust me, you won’t. You see, this is actually an issue of self-esteem.
You don’t believe in your own capacities and you think you need someone to guide you through life. Well, let me tell you something—you’re the only person you really need.
Despite what you might think now, the truth is that you can make it without anyone. You’re capable of going through life without anyone having your back or holding your hand.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that losing a loved one won’t leave consequences on you. In fact, in some cases, these consequences might even be permanent.
However, each time you experience these difficult times, you will survive. Your wounds will turn into scars but you will keep going despite them.
Knowing this, you are perfectly aware that there is no need to feel such a thing as a fear of abandonment.
Remember—whoever has the privilege to be a part of your life is there because you let them. You gave them the gift of your presence and you chose them to be next to you.
Therefore, if they want out, you shouldn’t be the one holding them back. Instead, let them go and remind yourself that your world won’t stop without them.
Enjoy the present moment
When you’re dealing with a fear of losing someone, it is all you can think of. The panic paralyzes you and before you know it, it becomes the only feeling you have.
You’re terrified of having to go on without your loved one to the point where your fears consume you completely and even prevent you from functioning properly.
I know this is much easier said than done but what do you exactly expect to accomplish with this?Will you being afraid change the outcome of things?
Will it save your terminally ill loved one’s life? Will it keep your romantic partner next to you? Will your fear of abandonment actually prevent people from walking away from you?
You and I both know that the answers to all of these questions is the same—it’s a big, fat no. So, what’s the point?
On the contrary, when you’re overwhelmed with your fears, you become so obsessed with the potential future that you miss out on the present.
You are obsessed with what might happen tomorrow to the point where today passes you by.
Well, if you’re looking for effective ways to get rid of your fears, enjoying the present moment is one of the first things you have to learn how to do.
For example, when you have a terminally ill patient next to you, wouldn’t it be better to cherish the little time you have a chance to spend with them instead of playing different scenarios in your head?
What is inevitable will happen and there is no way you can impact that. In fact, you’ll have plenty of time to grieve your loss once or if it happens.
So, what’s the point of thinking about it in advance? Trust me when I tell you that you’ll be sorry for wasting so much time on your fears before they even became a reality.
Believe in yourself
At the end of the day, having faith in yourself and working on your self-esteem is the number one thing. Trust me when I tell you that you’re way stronger than you ever pictured yourself being.
You see, life gives you exactly what you can take and handle. You get the challenges you have the ability to overcome, even if sometimes you’re not aware of your capacities.
So, I’m begging you, have a little more optimism. Please, believe in yourself and in your inner power.
Don’t consider yourself too weak, despite being emotional. Don’t consider yourself a coward, despite having such a big heart.
Ask for professional advice
A fear of losing someone you love is perfectly normal to some extent. We all face these fears on a daily basis and sadly, they’re a part of everyone’s thoughts.
A common fear is thanatophobia—a fear of death. Basically, there is almost no person in this world who can accept their mortality. However, thanatophobia doesn’t only mean you’re afraid of dying.
In fact, it also includes a fear of death of your loved ones, which often equals a fear of loss of those you care for.
However, if these fears are impacting your life to the point where it has become impossible to live it properly, maybe it’s time to ask for help.
For starters, talk to your best friends, romantic partner or a close family member. Describe whatever you’re feeling and ask them whether they’re going through the same.
Try comparing the intensity of your emotions to theirs and see whether you’re experiencing something similar.
Also, it is possible that you’re dealing with some deeper mental health issues which provoke these fears.
In that case, take action, focus on some self-care and talk to a mental health professional who will help you feel better.
No, having mental health issues doesn’t make you crazy; it just means that you’re a human being made out of flesh and blood and that you need a hand coping with something.
Trust this mental health professional and talk to them about everything that’s bothering you, otherwise they won’t be able to assist you in the right way.
The same goes for your closest ones you want to confide in. Make sure this is really your best friend you’re talking to.
It should be someone who won’t violate your trust, despite not being able to give you professional advice.