So first of all, ELMAR is not a person, but the abbreviation for the 5 steps of the method that will save your broken relationship. If you are in trouble and you just keep clashing and then disappointed because you just can’t clear up the discrepancies, then this approach could be the solution. The Viennese relationship experts Lena Kager and Dr. Stefan Kraft developed the method and described it on their blog. We present them to you below …

E how to recognize

The first step to saving your relationship leads to the approach of the problem that always ends up in the dispute. If you find out what the original problem is, you can find a solution, otherwise you will keep turning in the (devil) circle. Both partners should reveal their needs and wishes. Often the other person doesn’t even know what you really want and you accidentally injure each other. A lack of communication will inevitably bring every relationship to its knees. It is therefore important that BOTH partners say what is important to them and what bothers them.

L how to locate

If you can localize the source of your problems and conflicts together, the start has been made. Now it is important to clarify whether only one partner suffers from the circumstances or whether both are affected. For example, if one person is very jealous of a particular person, but only expresses it through taunts that the other does not understand, the core of the problem lies outside the relationship. The relationship with this outside person can and should be clarified. Often it helps the jealous partner to speak openly about the potential threat to the relationship and to eliminate the unpleasant feeling.
Clarify what you want and expect from each other and the partnership, where do you want to go? If you come up with a common denominator on these points, the first step is done.

M like possibilities

Now it will be difficult. You have to find out whether both partners want to stick to the relationship despite the differences. If this decision is unilateral, it probably doesn’t make sense to work on the relationship anymore, as it should always be a take and give. If one of the two has already moved on mentally and has started to break away from the relationship and the partner, consider whether it makes sense to fight or the fight is already lost. However, there is almost always a chance to save the relationship if feelings are still present. Affection and knowing what you have in others are basic requirements for this step.

A like activity

Probably the most important and therefore the key point of the method describes the efforts that both have to make to avert the separation. This can only work if both partners are really active. Waiting is poison for the relationship. Only if you actively support something and someone and take the initiative can the relationship develop and get back on track.

R like return

Even if it sounds difficult, you have to go back to the beginning at this point. What feelings did you have and what was it like to be newly in love? What have you done together? Return to the feelings and places of your initial happiness and come together again. Also return to the points of disappointment and talk openly about wishes, hopes, visions and common goals.


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