I still can’t believe how foolish and naive I was in all of my previous relationships. I let men use me just because I loved them and didn’t want them to leave me.
Yes, I also made mistakes. I made so many mistakes. I hurt myself so many times that it’s impossible to count them anymore.
My biggest mistake was that I never had the right priorities in life.
I never put myself at the top of my priority list as that place always belonged to the man I was dating.
My mistake is that I usually give my all to people I care about.
I don’t think about the possible consequences, I just want to get them to like me, even though I have to pay a great price for that.
I pay every time. Last time, I had to pay with my heart. Such a beautiful and pure thing; poor thing, it was crushed into a million pieces.
It still is. I’m still trying to gather all those pieces and glue them back together. But it’s so hard.
It’s unbelievably difficult to heal my broken heart when the person I loved and trusted the most was the one who broke it.
He knew that it was beating only for him but still, he broke it without even looking back.
He stood on it and crushed it into a million pieces, as if he never cared for it. As if he never cared for me.
Oh my God, the irony. He was actually always telling me how I was the only person he cared for.
He was always telling me how he’d do everything to protect me and my innocent heart.
He swore that he’d never again allow anyone to hurt me and he was the one who did. His everyday lies and his false promises did it.
They hurt me in a way nothing and no one else before did. And also in a way no one else ever will because I made a promise to myself.
I promised myself that from now on, I’ll never again believe a man’s pure words.
Words must be followed by actions. I made a promise to my poor heart and it will only be that way or no way at all.
Once again, I realized how words can be the most dangerous weapons. You don’t see it with your eyes but still, it’s so powerful that it can kill you or wound your heart forever.
No, I won’t let you get in my head again with your lame and fake apologies. No, I’m not guilty and neither are my expectations.
You said I had unrealistic expectations of you. What unrealistic expectations? How can you even say that?
I only expected you to honestly love me and never lie to me and you did just the opposite of that.
I only had those two expectations from you and you failed me. The explanation is quite simple; you never loved me!
So, don’t come now with your half-baked excuses, you won’t be able to trick me into forgiving you or forgetting about everything you did to me.
My inner voice tried to warn me so many times of you and your disgusting lies.
I was shushing my gut all the time, hoping it was wrong and how you’d prove to me one day that you honestly believed it when you told me that you loved me.
Now, I’m tired. I’m so exhausted from everything.
I’m tired of shushing that inner voice of mine, letting you control my life, having to heal my broken heart so many times, your empty promises and insincere apologies…
My soul is tired. It’s all so very tiring and that’s because there are so many fake people like you. My soul has to be on guard all the time, so another like you won’t get to hurt it.
No, I’m not going to put my walls up. I’m not going to give up on finding true love, on finding the right man.
Because I know that it’s out there somewhere, that the man of my dreams is out there somewhere, and that he’ll never do anything that could hurt me.
I really believe in that.
You didn’t manage to make me hate all men, you just made me realize that I should be much more careful whom I give my trust and love.