How To Court A Woman In 12 Effective Steps

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Even though you might think that courting is a thing of the past, the truth is that many men nowadays wonder how to court a woman properly. 

It’s actually pretty expected; we’ve gotten tired of modern dating and all the games it brings with it so most of us want the real deal. It seems that we’ve reached full circle. 

Everyone interested in courtship knows its numerous benefits. If you’re one of those people, you’re aware that this is one of the best ways to find your spouse, as outdated as it might seem.

So, exactly how to court a woman? We have all the answers you need. Here is a step by step guide through courtship.

Acknowledge the differences between dating and courting

First and foremost, you have to know that dating and courting are two different terms. Basically, courting is a more traditional form of dating.

Simply put, when you engage in dating someone, you don’t know where it will take you. You live day to day, without thinking much about the future. 

This is just another station along your way. It can be permanent but it’s more likely to be something temporary.

You won’t remember most women you dated once you grow old. They’re there to pass the time, make your life more interesting and help you wait for the right one.

On the other hand, courtship is a full stop. It’s a final destination and something with a bigger purpose and a deeper cause. 

When you date more people, you give the pieces of your heart and body to each one of them.

Once you break up a relationship, a part of you has forever remained a part that person who is no longer in your life.

Nevertheless, courtship differs because it’s the only way you have to give yourself entirely, physically, emotionally and spiritually to one person only. 

Besides the differences in purpose, courtship and dating are not the same when it comes to the people involved. First and foremost, when you court a woman, that relationship is always monogamous. 

You’re not here to explore your options and you don’t alternate between girls. Instead, both your attention and theirs is directed toward the two of you.

However, in courting, there are other people involved. Your courtship is not a secret and your entire community and religious circles, especially your parents and close family members, know about it. 

Also, contrary to dating, courtship is much more than satisfying physical needs. In fact, one of its basic characteristics is your ability to resist the temptation that is all around us. 

Devotion is obligatory

If you plan on courting a woman, be aware that things like commitment and devotion are expected of you. You need to be fully dedicated to your relationship and to her since this is a full-time job.

Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying that your life should stop just because you’ve decided to court a girl. However, she should definitely become the center of your world.

It’s wrong to assume that it’s acceptable to make this woman your second choice. Instead, she needs to get the place at the top of your priority list from the very start.

After all, how else will you show her that you want serious commitment? How else do you expect her to trust you?

Let’s be straight about one thing—you won’t get the woman you want just like that. She won’t fall right into your arms the moment she realizes that you’re courting her.

Instead, you’ll need to invest some time, energy and effort into all of this. So, if this is not something you’re ready to do, please give up in time. 

When you’re figuring out how to court a woman, you have to be honest with yourself and determine whether you’re capable of being devoted to just one woman.

Can you be committed to courting your potential partner?

Another thing to remember is that you’re courting one girl at a time. Even though you’re technically not together, your fidelity cannot be questioned. 

Marriage is your final goal

When you start dating someone, you don’t think about the future much. You live one day at a time and see where it takes you.

You don’t know whether this will even become a real serious relationship, let alone whether it will turn into a lifelong companionship. 

However, courtship is way different than this. You have a final goal right from the start and that is marriage.

The truth is that nobody can guarantee you that you’ll really end up marrying the woman you’re courting. After all, you still have to get to know each other and figure out whether you’re compatible or not.

Nobody can tell you for sure that your relationship will work out. Nevertheless, the point is that you have the intention of turning it into marriage.

Everything between you and the woman you’re courting leads to this final step. 

You’re not investigating other options while you’re with her. Instead, from day one, you’re both preparing to walk down the aisle. 

For example, you could have been dating a girl for years. Nevertheless, the thought of marrying her never crossed your mind so you never asked the right questions.

You never wondered what kind of a wife she would be, you two never talked about your life together, nor about having kids. 

Therefore, after so much time spent with her, you have no idea about her life goals. You never tackled any serious issues and you were only having a good time. 

On the other hand, you look at this woman with different eyes from the first moment you meet her.

Instead of, for example, putting the focus on her body, you pay attention to whether she is a high-value woman and wifey material or not.

The same goes vice versa. Instead of impressing this girl with your player skills, you try hard to show her that you would be a great husband and father. 

Be the one who initiates everything

Even though you are (and should be) for equality, when it comes to courting, you’re the man so please, don’t forget to act like one. 

No, I’m not saying that your girl should be submissive to you in any way. This doesn’t mean that she has fewer rights than you do or that your opinion counts more.

You two are and will become partners and no one is subordinate to the other person.

However, you’re the one who decided to court her. Therefore, you have to show your alpha qualities and be the leader of this game. 

I won’t lie to you; courage is necessary here. You’ll get nowhere if you let your insecurities take over you or if you let your nervous side prevent you from approaching this girl.

As a man, you have to be the one who initiates everything.

You’re the one who will ‘pick’ the girl you’re about to court, the one who will ask for her number, the one who will ask her out and arrange the perfect first date.

Later, you’ll be the one who will suggest taking your relationship to the next level and, finally, the one who will make a marriage proposal. 

However, this doesn’t mean that you can do everything your way, without waiting for this girl’s approval.

Even though you’re carrying most of the weight, you still need her feedback and, most importantly, consent. 

The trick is to read in-between the lines and figure out this girl’s hints. As a real lady, she’ll never make an actual move but she will definitely subtly show you her desires. 

What I’m trying to tell you is that you have to be wise enough to see whether this girl is ready for the next step.

For example, you won’t ask her to marry you out of the blue unless you see that she is willing to become your wife. 

Express your feelings to the woman of your dreams

Mixed signals have become the norm in modern dating. You play hard to get and pretend not to be interested in someone you clearly like just so they could end up thinking about you and liking you back.

Sounds complicated and completely unnecessary, right? Well, sadly that is how things work nowadays.

You’re considered too emotional if you happen to show your feelings. If you open your heart to another party, you’re giving them a chance to break it without any consequences.

Basically, the entire modern dating scene is based on assumptions. You have to be a mind reader and guess whether your potential partner is in love with you or not.

It all turned into a big game. Consequently, couples don’t enjoy the initial stages of their relationship. Instead, the only thing important here is who will beat whom.

Who will be the first to be knocked off their feet and who will be the first who will admit defeat. 

You spend most of your time dissecting the other person’s words and actions. You try to outsmart them and beat them at their own game.

Naturally, all of this exhausts you. If you play along, it turns you into someone you’ve never been. 

Well, the good news is that you can forget about all of these practices when it comes to courting.

There are no mind games, no mixed signals, no dissecting the other person’s texts or social media, no wondering where you stand.

In fact, here everything is crystal clear from the very beginning. As a man, you should be completely honest about your feelings and intentions right away.

All of this is pointless if you’re too afraid to approach this girl. Don’t let her wonder what you want from her or whether you’re courageous enough to take it.

The most important thing here is to tell her directly that you want to court her. Tell her that you’re not interested in typical dating and that you want both of you to know where you stand. 

However, when you declare your love to the woman of your dreams, abstain from strong emotional language. There is no need to woo her or introduce some sweet words right from the start.

Have eyes for her only

I can’t emphasize this enough; courting is strictly monogamous so this doesn’t include dating more than one woman.

In fact, it means that you should have your eyes for her only, even if you two are in a long-distance relationship.

There is no checking out other girls, no texting them, no exploring your options and no flirting with anyone else. 

You see, when it comes to courting, the term ‘fidelity’ has a slightly different concept than in dating. 

No, you won’t allow your partner to be possessive, nor will you erase the entire life you had before her.

Nevertheless, in courtship, you can’t use your ex to make her jealous, nor can you use an online dating app, which is sadly a common scenario in modern dating. 

You’re taken even though you two still might not be in an official relationship. So you better act that way. 

The woman you’re courting has to feel special. She needs to know that she is unique to you and that you wouldn’t trade her for the first woman who shows some interest in you.

She needs to know that you would rather be single than with any other girl besides her. That she is not just your first but your only choice. 

The worst thing you can do here is compare your woman to some other girls. Don’t try making her feel insecure and don’t try acting like a player. 

If you plan on courting more than one woman at a time and expect them to fight for your love and attention, think again because you’re in the wrong place. 

It’s crucial for her to know that you respect her enough never to betray her. Courting doesn’t allow you to go behind your woman’s back or to make a fool out of her.

If it happens that you fall for some other woman or see that things between you two aren’t working, act like a real man and leave in time. Don’t wait until you find a backup plan to escape this courtship scheme.

Trust me, this is the only honest thing to do. The only way in which you’ll show enough respect for the woman next to you. 

Everything else makes you an immature boy who doesn’t know what he wants. It makes you a part of the crowd, despite your desire to stand out from all of her other suitors. 

Become friends

One of the biggest nightmares for all guys out there is being trapped in the friendzone. I won’t lie to you, it really is awful.

There you are, fighting for a girl’s affections and doing everything you can to make her happy and show her that you’re the perfect guy for her.

On the other hand, she only sees you as a friend. She wastes time on different suitors, complaining that she can’t find the right one.

During all of this time, you’re right in front of her face. She even says that she would be happiest if she could have a boyfriend like you, as if you don’t exist. 

Knowing all of this, all dating advice will tell you that you should in no way become friends with the girl you like. Instead, you should go after her right away, otherwise you’ll remain in the friendzone forever. 

Well, the trick about courting is that it starts with a type of friendship and selflessness. This is not a regular friendship.

Instead, the woman you’re courting knows your intentions from the start. However, neither of you wants to rush things.

You choose to lead your relationship slowly and that’s why you’ll become friends before anything else. 

Naturally, you won’t become this woman’s best friend in a way that she’ll ask for your advice regarding other guys or that you should help her put makeup on.

In fact, you will be each other’s confidant and biggest supporter. 

Besides trying to figure out whether you’re compatible with this girl or not, your goal should be to make her trust you as well and this is only possible through friendship. 

You need to show her that you’re a real man she can count on. A man who will be there to have her back, no matter what, and someone she can rely on in every possible situation. 

Act like a gentleman

Lately, the terms gentleman and lady have lost their importance. When you’re hitting on a girl, you don’t watch your language or manners. 

Well, that is quite different when it comes to courting. In fact, when you’re wondering how to court a woman, being a gentleman is one of the first responses you’ll get.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t make you old-fashioned or one of those overly conservative people. No matter what a bunch of girls might say, trust me that most women dream of having a gentleman by her side. 

The first trait of every gentleman is respect. You always have to respect your lady and give her the place she deserves in your life.

However, you won’t only respect her and the people you love. You’ll have enormous respect for literally everyone you encounter, including your employees or serving staff. 

This is the only way in which you can demand the same treatment from others. 

The next point is your hygiene, which has to be in perfect order at all times. Forget about the misconception that taking care of yourself is reserved for women only.

Trust me—this couldn’t be further from the truth. Take regular showers, use body sprays and perfumes, brush your teeth and make sure you’re always dressed for the occasion.

Show this woman that you’re a man of your word. Make her understand that you’re someone who keeps his promises and that your actions always match your words. 

Another thing you should be extra careful about is your language. There is no room for profanity, no matter the circumstances.

I know you might get angry but that doesn’t give you the right to insult anyone around you or to curse. Remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s always wiser to remain quiet. 

The next thing on the list is your manners. There are some basic etiquette rules every gentleman has to follow.

First and foremost, you have to hold the door open for your lady. It doesn’t matter whether you’re entering a restaurant or a car; this is always your job.

Also, make sure you’re never late. If you can’t make it on time, call your date, apologize and make sure this doesn’t become a habit of yours. 

Whenever you arrive at a restaurant or a coffee shop, let her be the one to sit down first. Not only that but pull out a chair for her and help her take off her coat.  

When you two are eating together, follow some basic table manners. Keep your elbows off the table, don’t talk while you’re eating, give her a chance to order first, pour her drinks and get the check. 

Impress her family

What makes courting especially serious is that it includes both your family members and even best friends and religious circles.

Your job is not just to impress the woman of your dreams, you have to do so with the people important to her as well. 

At first glance, you might wonder why this is necessary. After all, you’re not in love with her family members but with her.

However, this way, the girl knows that you’re ready for a committed relationship.

As long as you are willing to stand in front of her dearest ones, you definitely won’t have the courage to play with her or drag her along.

Besides, a girl who is into courtship doesn’t make all of her decisions alone. In fact, she has a father or a mentor who is much more experienced than her. 

These are the people who can see the situation much more objectively. They’re not guided by the emotions they feel for you and therefore can see the bigger picture. 

Therefore, they can determine whether you’re a high-value man or not. They went through all of these courtship stages and are able to determine whether you’re suitable for their daughter. 

Basically, the best thing you could do here is contact the woman’s father and ask for his permission to court her.

Tell him everything about yourself and promise him that you’ll take excellent care of his daughter. 

However, it’s important for you to already be certain that the woman wants you. Otherwise, you’ll get yourself in an uncomfortable situation if she doesn’t accept your offer but her father does. 

Plan your dates in detail

Lately, there’s nothing strange about asking a girl to come over out of the blue.

You might be drunk and bored and you’ll just text a bunch of girls, asking them if they need company and spend the night with the first woman who gives you a positive response.

Basically, there are not that many real dates anymore. You’ll meet a girl at a club, you’ll go for a ride, grab something to eat and end up at your place.

This is another thing different in courting. If you’re wondering how to court a woman successfully, you’ll have to plan each one of your dates with special care.

Be extra attentive on your first date. Investigate her personality well and try figuring out where she would like to go.

A crowded club or a sports game are not options. Instead, consider taking her to a proper restaurant where she’ll feel respected and appreciated. 

Be direct when you ask her out for the first time. Don’t invite her to ‘hang out’, like it’s something casual. Instead, tell the woman and the woman’s father that you would like to take her out to dinner.

Be precise about the time when you’ll pick her up and, more importantly, about the hour in which you’ll return home. 

When you go to get her, don’t expect her to wait for you in the middle of the street. Instead, knock on the door and introduce yourself to her family.

This way, they’ll be certain that she is in good hands and that they have nothing to worry about. 

Also, when you’re taking her home, don’t forget to escort her to the front door. Kiss her hand, thank her for the great time you had and say hi to her family once more.

They’ll all see that you’re a man of good manners and will be impressed by your behavior.

If your first date is dinner in a restaurant, come up with a different idea for the next one. Use your imagination and plan everything carefully.

No matter whether you’re in a long-term relationship or not, please, never pick her up just to ask her where she wants to go or if she has any suggestions.

You’re the one courting her and it’s your job to win her over. 

Well, this is a sure-fire way to do so more efficiently. 

Court her in public places

No matter what type of date you choose, please always make sure it happens in a group setting. 

At first, you can even go on double dates with her friends. This way, you’ll show her that you’re interested in her life, that the people who matter to her are important to you as well. 

Also, it will clear the tension. She will feel more comfortable seeing you in front of other people before she gets to know you better.

Besides, this is crucial because it gives you a chance to prove that your intentions are honest and that you want a serious commitment and a long term relationship. 

When you go out in public places, she won’t suspect that you’re hiding her from the rest of the world. You’re obviously available for a serious relationship and there are no obstacles to your partnership. 

Abstain from too much physical affection

Another significant difference between dating and courting lies in physical affection. The ones who are into dating are used to the first kiss happening on the first date or even the moment they meet. 

Sleeping together is also not strange. You don’t have to be in a serious relationship to wake up next to your partner. 

However, courtship doesn’t work that way. In fact, it is usually reserved for more conservative people who abstain from too much physical affection.

What you need to have in mind is that in this scenario, you’ll be getting the whole package. Don’t expect to get a girl’s body without her mind and heart as well. 

Some couples wait to kiss or to be intimate until they’re certain that they’re in a serious relationship.

They spend some time getting to know each other and wait until they’re completely sure about their emotions. 

They don’t sleep around and they don’t even put themselves in the way of temptation to do so. In fact, they connect the urge to be intimate with their feelings. 

What I’m trying to say here is that the girl you’re courting won’t even find you attractive unless she really falls in love with you.

She may consider you a handsome man but she won’t have the urge to hug you or hold you in her arms until she grows to love you. 

On the other hand, some couples save their first kiss for their wedding day. This way, they’re certain that the only person they ever share something physical with is their spouse. 

Either way, the important thing here is to respect the woman’s physical boundaries and demand her to do the same. Actually, it’s all a part of your mutual agreement. 

Whatever you do, make sure not to push the woman too hard. Don’t pressure her into doing something she’s not ready for.

Also, don’t forget to be careful about your body language. If you two agreed on something, the worst thing you can do is use every opportunity to break that deal.

Don’t sit too near her, don’t use every chance you get to touch her and don’t try to kiss her if you decided to wait for your first kiss.

All of this might sound a bit too much trouble for you but trust me, this is an awesome way of meeting your forever person. 

In fact, there are numerous success stories of men who also tried to figure out how to court a woman and wondered if this was the real thing for them. 

Just follow these steps and I assure you that you’ll be more than content with the result. 

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