Texting is inevitably the most popular means of communication nowadays and if you ask me, it is both a blessing and a curse. It helps us connect with other people but at the same time, it can be really frustrating.
These are the drawbacks that I’ve experienced from my female perspective: Why is he ignoring my texts all of a sudden? Should I text him again or should I wait a little bit longer? Can someone please tell me what exactly is going on here?
After processing all these exhausting thoughts, I usually find myself sitting next to my phone 24/7, carrying it everywhere with me (even to the toilet) and secretly hoping that they will text back soon.
This virtual ghosting process turns into a nightmare, making you unable to fall asleep or even eat properly (if you REALLY like the person).
The thing is, we’ve all been ignored at some point when texting and I’m sure that’s how the term double texting came to life!
What is double texting?
I know. Texting and our love lives were sufficiently complicated and nerve-wracking even without these additional terms but I guess it’s in our human nature to want to define everything.
So, double texting (as the name implies) means texting someone again after a certain amount of time before even receiving their reply to your first message.
It starts with waiting for their reply and then once you lose your nerve or become anxious or curious, you decide to text them again (and maybe again).
Here’s the million-dollar question:
Is double texting bad?
Not necessarily. Sometimes, it is bad but other times, it is not. It all depends on the context, the person you are texting, your intention and so on.
If you double text the right way, there shouldn’t be any problems. To help you with that, here are all the pros and cons of double-texting as well as the brilliant tip of how long you should wait before double texting.
So, let’s get started!
5 Pros Of Double Texting
It can help you keep the conversation going
I bet there’s nothing more annoying in the whole world than experiencing the moment where you suddenly run out of interesting things to talk about with another person.
You send them a text message that is totally not something you would have wanted to send them in the first place but you still do it.
You can feel that your conversation is about to end right there at that moment and you pull away and leave your phone alone.
But after some time, a brilliant question or topic comes to your mind and you send it them ASAP before you forget to do so.
You text them something like: Oh, I forgot to ask you something…
Before you know it, your convo is flourishing again and there’s no happier person in the world than you (assuming you really like them a lot).
And that is where double texting comes really handy. It can help you keep the conversation going and master the art of how not to be a dry texter.
It shows that you’re interested
I’m pretty sure that you’re familiar with the concept of playing hard to get, right? It’s when you’re pretending that you’re not interested in order to make the other person interested in you.
I got tired even trying to define it, let alone experiencing it.
Well, here’s something you probably don’t hear that often: Not playing hard to get will also show a guy (or girl) that you’re interested!
Seriously, you don’t need to ignore them, wait for an eternity to text them back or refrain from sending any emojis in order to send them the message that you’re not really interested (when in reality you are).
If you double text them, they will see that you don’t give a damn about any of that. They will see you as a laid-back person who is not willing to follow the rules imposed by society.
They will notice that you’re interested and in a world of all that faking, who wouldn’t enjoy texting with a genuine person (finally)?
You show determination
If you think that playing hard to get is complicated, listen to this. Apparently, some people like to test you through texting in order to see whether you are REALLY interested in them.
They do it by not replying to your texts and waiting to see if you’ll text them again, aka double text them.
If you send them a second text even though they still haven’t replied to the first one, this will let them know that you’re really into them.
People usually like to do this after the first date. Now that they know you better, they decide to test you to see whether you’re interested in them as much as they are in you.
It shows that you’re not afraid to show your true colors
Raise your hand if you’re really sick of fake social media lives, texting secrets and all those trending things that shouldn’t be trending at all. I stopped typing for a moment then to honor the memory of real life.
Do you want to tell the world that you’re not afraid of showing your true colors? Do you want to be genuine with that one person you really like?
Then you definitely shouldn’t worry about double texting a guy or girl. By doing that, you’ll show them that you’re not interested in following the crowd or texting rules.
If you double text them, they will know that you’re not afraid of being who you are, which is really rare and refreshing in a world full of artificiality.
It can help relieve their tension
Whether you met on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble or some other dating app, you can still feel equally anxious when messaging. Or if you’ve recently been on a first date, you may not have the courage to decide to text first.
By double texting someone, you might help relieve their tension and they will feel less anxious about contacting you first. You will both feel more relaxed which will enable you to establish powerful textual chemistry.
Sometimes you have to be the one to break the ice when it comes to texting because the other person is not that courageous.
But if you know for a fact that they are a legit extrovert and they have no problems texting you first, then you can let them take the initiative.
5 Cons Of Double Texting
You might appear clingy or needy
Before I write anything else, I’d like to accentuate the fact that appearing clingy or needy when texting greatly depends on the context.
So, let’s say that you asked them something like: Do you want to go for a drink with me? You wait approximately five minutes for them to reply. If they don’t, you send them a follow-up text: Please, let’s go for a drink!
Here’s the most valuable dating advice you’ll ever receive: Don’t appear clingy or needy. By begging the other person to do something, you’re at risk of being seen as desperate and needy.
Trust me, no girl or guy wants to date someone who acts like that. So, before deciding to double text someone, pay attention to the context of the message you want to send them.
And don’t worry, I completely understand you. Things like this make an epistolary relationship (exchanging letters) sound like the promised land.
You could be annoying to them
This one is also related to the context of your messages. Let’s say that you send them a normal text message and they haven’t replied yet.
Then you decide to send them tons of Snapchats or HaHas in order to catch their attention.
Don’t do that because this can be a huge turn-off. Also, don’t insist on playing fun texting games the first time you text someone. Keep in mind that not everyone is in the mood for that at the time.
Regardless of whether you’re double texting a girl or guy, always imagine their potential reply or reaction to the message you want to send them.
Imagine that the text you want to send them was sent to you by someone else. How would you react to it? Would you be pleased or annoyed by it?
Once you double text, there’s no going back
I’ve noticed that most of the time, I’m a quick texter, which is a bad thing. I just go with the flow and send the first thing that comes to my mind.
Later, after I realize that there’s no going back after sending it, I re-read that text message a million times in order to be sure that I haven’t messed things up.
But that’s just me. I’m a natural overthinker, which has cost me a lot of time and nerves. So, what I’m trying to say is once you double text them, there’s no going back.
One bad text can ruin your new relationship, so be careful how you express yourself.
I often find myself sending something I didn’t want to send in the first place and then end up cursing the universe, the modern era, cell phones and other things for allowing me to do that.
Depending on your phone, you might decide to delete the text you sent them but if you do that they will know, which is even more embarrassing.
My humble advice is: Don’t double text them when you’re feeling anxious or mad because chances are you’ll send something you didn’t mean to send. I call that texting by impulse.
It could freak them out
Another thing you should pay attention to is the reason why they haven’t texted you back yet.
Usually, we like to think that it’s because they’re not interested, they’re playing hard to get with us, they’re deliberately ignoring us and so on.
These assumptions can drive us mad and force us to send a plethora of irrelevant, disturbing text messages.
Now imagine that the reason why they haven’t texted you back is because of something important that happened to them regarding their family, pet, friends, job, etc.
We like to think that the world revolves around us but that’s not the truth. Even though you’re still waiting for their reply, this doesn’t necessarily mean they have forgotten about you completely.
Chances are that they will come back to you once they find time for that and the last thing you need is to freak them out with a number of text messages.
This might inspire them to move on and forget about sending that long-awaited reply.
You shift the power to them
No matter how weird it sounds, by deciding to double text someone, you might be shifting the power to them. Again, it all depends on the recipient’s interpretation of it.
To help you understand it better, here’s what it means to shift the power to them in texting: When they are not replying to your texts and you’re not doing anything about it, you’re in a neutral texting position because you’re showing them that you don’t really care about any of it or that you’re indifferent.
By sending them a follow-up message, you’re giving them the power to ghost you again. If that doesn’t bother you, that’s okay.
But if you don’t feel comfortable with it, then you should wait for their reply first and then text them.
I remember when I was head over heels for one guy, so I would go out of my way and send him multiple texts before he even replied to the first one. After some time, I realized that he was pulling away and acting weird.
When I told my friend about it, she gave me the best relationship advice ever: Stop texting him and see what happens. I said: Okay. I guess I have nothing to lose.
Lo and behold, after a few days, he texted me first to apologize for being weird and to ask me out on a date.
Well, this time I deliberately let him wait a little bit longer for my reply and then casually agreed to go on a date. (God, I really hate dating.)
How long to wait before double texting?
Another million-dollar question: How long should you wait before sending a follow-up text?
Again, it depends on the context. Sending them a second text after a few minutes that goes something like: Oh, I forgot to ask you something… is okay.
Or let’s say that you asked them to attend an event with you and they still haven’t replied to you. You can ask them again before the event whether they are interested to go or not.
In all other situations, ideally, you should double text them after three to five days (or a week) but only if they haven’t read your message yet.
If they did read your message and you’re sure that you saw them online, DO NOT send them a follow-up text because it might make you look desperate or needy.
Trust me because I’ve tried both.
I double texted someone even though I had seen that they had read the first text and didn’t respond and it didn’t go too well.
Then, when I double texted someone who hadn’t yet read my first text, it all went smoothly.
So, no matter how mad, furious or disappointed you’re feeling at that moment, don’t double text them if they have ‘Seen’ or ‘Read’ it. Instead, stop texting them for a few days.
There are so many things you can do if they don’t text back for days.
Focus on yourself, go out for a walk, have fun with your friends and do whatever you wish but don’t text them and then, when you least expect it, they will text you back.
How to stop double texting?
If you think that you have a serious problem with sending (one too many) follow-up messages and you want to stop doing that, here are some useful tips to help you:
The only time you should double text is when you really have to
Think about it for some time before deciding to do it
Wait for a few hours before double texting them
Over time, you can increase the waiting period before sending a follow-up message. You can wait for a few days and then, gradually, you’ll be able to stop.
Don’t let the art of double texting interfere with your happiness!
Always ask yourself whether something is important enough to send. Will you regret not sending it or will you rather regret sending it?
However, make sure not to overthink it too much. Don’t let double texting make you anxious or like you’re trying too hard not to be who you really are.
If you follow the above rules and memorize all the pros and cons of texting, you’ll be just fine. The secret lies in finding a balance between being a dry texter and a trying-too-hard texter.